Medicaid, TennCare, Birth Control and Welfare Babies

So I'm going to bypass posting part two of my TennCare rant for right now, to post something I find a little more.. controversial.

TennCare pharmacy benefits are run by SXC, which the state contracts.(You can read more about this HERE) Not the health insurance company you get through tenncare, SXC manages ALL TennCare prescription benefits for Tennessee.

I have touched before on the limits of TennCare prescription benefits, at 5 a month and how this really affects most disabled people. 
Well, in doing some research to try to get some of my necessary medications covered (which so far hasn't happened, since no one can figure out what I'm talking about) I have uncovered some things.

1. Per health care reform law, TennCare must cover birth control services and birth control with a 0$ co-pay.
2. Birth control counts against your 5 monthly prescriptions and according to SXC representatives, Walgreens pharmacists and my OB/GYN is in no way attestable or in layman's terms able to become 'exempt' from counting towards your prescription limit.
3. That women on TennCare can have ONE pap/std test a year, unless they exhibit symptoms.
4. That there is no readily published numbers on how many pregnancies happen by a recipent of TennCare.

     5.That there are no readily published numbers (or studies) on how much TennCare pays each quarter       (or yearly for that matter) on maternity services, or pregnancy prevention. 

Well, this irritates me. One of the categories for TennCare eligibility (within income restrictions) is being pregnant.
Ok, well. Of course you have to already BE pregnant in order to get TennCare if you do not fall into another category (like disabled) so of course that already reduces the numbers of pregnant on TennCare people.
So for the sake of numbers, lets count TANF recipients too, (Cash assistance, aka welfare cash)

In Tennessee in 2008 (yes its a slightly outdated fact sheet, I can't find a newer one) there were over 144,000 TANF recipents, which is actually less than in 2007 due to cuts in eligibility.

So, lets say 144,000 TANF recipients (which are all women here in TN) plus the 1,000,000 or so disabled people in Tennessee ALL qualified for TennCare, regardless of pregnancy status.(For the sake of numbers, I will say 200,000 receive disability and are of child bearing age with tenncare, which is a far cry from what is likely true)

So 344,000 people eligible for TennCare. OK, well. The average birth control prescription, is 25$.
So, assuming for the sake of numbers that all females are on and prescribed the pill, at 25$ a month. Well the state won't pay that much, so it will be more like 14$, because they have contracts. OK. So 14$ *344,000 people.equals 4,816,000$. Per month. So times that by twelve, you get $57,790,000 (Now many people go off welfare and lose their eligibility but for numbers sake..)

Its expensive, yes.
For other birth control options, theres the shot (about 30$ for 3 months) or an IUD (about 300$ for FIVE YEARS) but I wont go into that, for the sake of simplicity

The average maternity pay out is $3,500 for basic care (not including NICU, preemie care or high risk) in Tennessee. So again for the sake of numbers lets say 100,000 of those 350,000 people that meet our critera get pregnant. Thats $350,000,000. 

So birth control preventatives - $57.75 million per year vs Maternity care for 1/3 the population that would be taking the birth control if covered by TennCare at $350,000,000.

Well, thats only a difference of $292,210,000. Thats a nice chunk of change.

Well.. what numbers don't show you is that since mom qualified for TANF/Medicaid, now her kid/kids do too.
So.. that's another 100,000 children TENNESSEE needs to cover. (TennCare covers about 1.3 million pregnant women, children and disabled people each year)

So.. for the sake of numbers.. lets say each kid is very healthy and only needs minimal care after birth (assuming newborn care in hospital is under moms maternity spending)
So 100,000 children times about 3000$ in regular yearly health care, including dental, vision, well child check ups, prescriptions and vaccinations, is $300,000,000, assuming the child is not disabled or needs ANYTHING special.




So lets do a quick breakdown of the numbers one last time


Birth Control for 344,000 people of child bearing age (assuming the pill only) =$ 57,790,000 YEARLY.
Maternity Care for 100,000 women who get pregnant while eligible for TennCare (assuming basics and singleton births only) = $350,000,000, yearly.
Basic medical care for children born on TennCare now qualifying for TennCare (assuming 100,000 babies) =$350,000,000 yearly.




So $700,000,000 a year in maternity +infant child costs (for child born through TennCare)
                                    $700,000,000
                                  -
                                     $57,790,000
                                  ______________
                               = $642,210,000

Well, I think a little more than half a billion dollars is pretty signifigant, don't you?

Then theres the cost to the tax payer (ahem, state) on increased assistance for families of those children. Lets assume only 80% suck up their pride and accept food stamps. Well, thats 1200$ additionally a year for the first four years or so (For numbers, many people do get off assistance entirely).
1200*80,000 people-$96,000,000 yearly.
Then lets assume that 40 percent take housing assistance (which is god awful to live in, much less even apply to the waiting list for, its nearly impossible to get)
So well say average assistance amount for that is 600$ per month per family
$600*12*40,000= $288,000,000 yearly.
Lets assume that 70% of new moms take WIC with baby formula for the first year (based on national breast feeding statistics)
So not including the average food benefit, lets say WIC spends about 200$ a month in formula and baby foods per child for the first year of life.
So, 200*12*70,000=$168,000,000.

So for one year for these 100,000 preventable births, in addition to the $642,210,000, add in $552,000,000 in first year costs, thats $1,194,210,000.

Or in simple terms, 1.2 BILLION dollars per year, on completely preventable births, in the state of Tennessee.

Then there's things like transport costs (Medicaid picks this up I believe) and additional things I can't possibly think of, not including cash assistance, DNA testing, child support orders/enforcement, custody, courts and CHILD CARE. I am NOT counting in child care assistance, as that figure just blows my mind. (Average subsidy per child can be between 300-1000$ A MONTH)

Considering Tennessee has about a 16% below poverty level rate (this is an estimate link) this doesn't really surprise me, but makes Tennessee the third poorest state in the United States.

So my question, dear tax payers, legislators and beaurocrats, why on earth are you supporting the perpetuation of poverty and the burden of the tax payer dime, by denying something as basic as birth control?

Feel free to leave your opinion in comments, or via email.





 

TennCare (Medicaid) and The Taxpayer Money (WASTE) Part One

So I see a lot of people whining about 'Obamacare' and how its going to bankrupt our country, like Medicaid (insurance for the poor and disabled) and Medicare( for the disabled and elderly)  already have.

I am slightly inclined to agree.
I am a liberal independent. I do not side entirely with either democrats or republicans,  I am pro legalization of marijuana (especially for medical reasons) pro universal health care and pro choice. I am against immigration amnesty and fining people for not having health insurance.

Let me tell you about a few things I have noticed as a recipient of Medicaid. 
As a disabled person actively receiving social security benefits, I am qualify for Medical Assistance, which I do utilize.

Here in Tennessee its called TennCare. Tenncare is a joint funded 'project' by the state and Feds. 

TennCare is one of the WORST Medicaid providers in the country.

This is what my benefits look like (which is standard)

5 Presciptions a month, unless on the 'exempt list' (Which comprises of mostly retrovirals for AIDS drugs) 3 generic and 2 Brand Name, with a 3$ copay. Certain medicines such as Benzodiazapines, Pain Killers, Controlled Substances (narcotics usually) and certain sleeping pills, amongst others are NOT covered.

Weight Management program IF qualified (must be over weight or have a comorbitiy like diabetes, high blood pressure.. so on) which can include, nutrition classes, a gym membership to the YMCA, counseling, and weight loss surgery.

12 visits to a Primary Doctor a year, unless you have a medical exemption (I do)

Limited in-patient hospital care

No dental
No vision
No chiropractic care

Pre-authorization required for most testing, such as CT scans, MRI's, and so on. Basics like blood work, EKGs and xrays are usually covered with just doctors orders.

Emergency Room Care


Thats about it. Now that seems like A LOT to someone without any insurance, and by all means it is.

Personally, I am grateful I have any insurance at all.

However, I have MANY MANY MANY issues with TennCare.

First and foremost the prescription benefit limit, as run by SXC. 

I am on disability. Don't you think I need more than 5 prescriptions a month? I usually blow through that in antibiotics a month. Yes, they have something called an exemption waiver, where a doctor tells the insurance company why that medicine is medically necessary and should not be counted towards your prescription limit. Out of the 23 current practitioners that I have, not a single one knows what I am talking about or how to do this. The insurance company insists that the doctors should and will not tell me how to have them go about this.

So each month, I regularly choose between antibiotics, heart medications, lung medications (asthma, allergies, so on) kidney medications, skin creams (usually for skin infections) auto immune suppressants, allergy medicines (like an EpiPen, or a cream for hives) GI drugs (for my stomach/intestinal issues) ear medicines (for whatever) and birth control.

Usually the antibiotics win. Sometimes a mental health medication may win a spot, but rarely.
I was told by the pharmacy and by SXC that they do not consider an EpiPen to be an emergency drug and thus it counts towards my benefit.
So if I got stung by a bee, used my EpiPen (and saved my life) received medical care and a prescription for a new one, and I had already used my 5 for the month (or 2 brand names) then I could NOT get another life saving EpiPen until the next month.

Thats some bullshit.

I find it ludicrous that not a single practitioner knows how to fill out these forms, or jump through the right hoops, and I completely believe each practitioner when they say they cant figure out HOW to do them, or that they ALWAYS get denied.

Second, perhaps I was more spoiled by Medicaid in the north (Access, in Pennsylvania, where I hail from) where I had somewhat limited dental and limited vision care, as well as unlimited prescriptions each month. (Some did require prior auths, which were easy to get) However, I find that as a disabled person, that Access actually met my needs 98% of the time, versus TennCare which meets them about 40%, if that.

In Pennsylvania (not saying they are perfect, they are not) there were different 'classes' of Medicaid, and Medicaid eligibility, just as there are here. You could be:
Pregnant
On cash assistance (welfare, TANF)
Under 21
Disabled
Elderly
or other, which usually meant waiting for disability
OR a cancer patient 

Each category usually had its own rules and benefits. 
I can only really speak to unider 21 and disabled, since I have received both.

Medicaid for disability is supposed to be life sustaining, health sustaining. They put these lovely little provisions in 'appeals' (Ill get to that later) where if it could cause damage, death or hospitalization, its considered an emergency.

Well, usually if you are on disability a lack of care or medication could cause any of the above to happen.
Benefits in all states are far better for CHILDREN on Medicaid. Usually those on disability have something similar to that, as again, its expected to be health/life sustaining.
Not so here in great old Tennessee.

I get the SAME exact insurance pregnant moms get, welfare recipents get and so on.

Mom who lost her job or had to flee domestic violence and lives on Cash Assistance, probably does not need to see 23 doctors and take 18 prescriptions a month.

I do. I am not alone.

So, instead of say, TennCare covering a 2x a year dental cleaning at 40$ a piece, I dont get it done. In turn I get abcesses and infections and need antibiotics, at about 40$ a pop per antibiotic. Surgical removal of the abcess is quite expensive I'm sure, however I dont have the money to get that done so I dont know.

Another dental example: My wisdom teeth are coming in, at nearly 25 years old. (I turn 25 on Wednesday)
My jawbone is currently exposed, and will likely cause all kinds of problems, from infections of the bone to abcesses and distorment of my jaw and teeth.

So instead of paying 300$ to remove my two wisdom teeth (Medicaid pays WAY WAY WAY less than standard private insurance, in case you are wondering why my figures are so low) Medicaid will pay to have my jaw surgically fixed, and bone removed, in addition to the antibiotics, hospitalization and care required, as well as prescriptions, at about 30-40,000.

That makes sense right?

Heres an example:

ABout a month ago I started randomly passing out. I was seeing colors, had a headache to bad I wanted to die, was vomiting non stop, slurring my speech and had lost my appetite and had severe sensory hallucinations (smelling, tasting things that were not there)

I went to my primary who suspected a migraine, but wanted to make sure by ordering a head CT and called in a migraine prescription.  Well, dont you know I reached my benefit limit, so no migraine medicine.
At 6 pm on a friday I had no other choice.. I wanted to die. So after I passed out, I went to the local ER.

That bill was probably about $2000 that the state PAID.

Well the ER here sucks and they gave me more prescriptions I couldn't fill.. so I had to go back when I passed out again. 

Probably another 3k in work done, at the er.

Well three days later it still hadnt gone away, I had just stopped going to the ER, and I went one last time, this time in Nashville. That probably cost about 300$, since they did NOTHING.

So, instead of covering a 50$ prescription that *might* have solve the issue, thy just paid at minimum $6000 for medical care for me, and still didnt treat or solve the problem.

it took two weeks and five antibiotic prescriptions (and a bag of antibiotics in the ER the second time) to get rid of that. I still dont know what caused it.

They denied the head CT saying it was medically unnecessary. So... those symptoms that scream STROKE or TUMOR mean nothing, I guess.

This is just one example.
This post is already getting too long so I will have to do a part 2.

Sexual Assault and The Homeless Girl (and Prostitution)

Well, I haven't posted in a while. Partly because I couldn't and mostly because I just didn't want to. 

I removed myself from the situation with the large man, mostly because I HAD to. It as getting dangerous for me to stay and the best solution was for me to just vanish.

I had posted a rant on Craigslist in the rants and raves section, in Tennessee and had gotten a couple responses, most notably one from a man I will call BH.

BH offered me a meal and a shower (a hot one!) and a safe place to take a nap for a bit out of the heat, in exchange for me one day helping someone else in return, as someone had once helped him.
It took me a few weeks but I had no other options and smelled pretty bad, so I decided to go. Armed with my trusty knife (its a sharp hunting knife, pocket/switch style) I went over to his apartment complex which is in a very  nice area of town.
His children were there (visiting) which threw me off, but he just explained I was a friend. He got me a towel and shampoo and left me to shower, then gave me a corn dog (I have never had one before, they are quite tasty) and all the ice water I could drink and let me sleep in his spare bedroom.

I of course locked the door behind me, but I haven't slept that well in months. BH did not try anything and was a pure gentleman. Of course he is army and moving and it was not a permanent thing, but I thanked him and left when he did for work in the morning. (If you EVER read this BH, thanks! You gave me faith that there are still good people in this world!)

It got pretty hot that day and my little dog and I went over to my storage unit (which is NOT climate controlled) to chill out while I made some calls to 211, which is United Way's emergency number, before my phone got shut off at midnight.
Well it was 87 or so outside and probably 100 in the storage, so little dog and I (mostly me) stripped down, laid down on an old sleeping bag I still have and dozed off in the heat. (Of course I had a bowl of fresh water out for her and water for me)
I went to the ER, I was pretty sure I had a kidney/uti infeection (I did and still do, antibiotics are NOT working) and enjoyed the a/c for a bit while I was waiting to be called back to be treated.

I made a bunch of calls in hopes I would get a return call.. no such luck.
I ended up booking a shitty motel through priceline for two nights, at about 100$ even, which was most of what i had saved.


Got to the motel, it was clean but not 'new' and reasonable. Plugged in my electronics to charge and connected to the crappy wifi signal, only to get an email that a woman had found my cat.. in ALABAMA.

Why my cat went missing is another post entirely, which I will do soon.
I took my antibiotic, took a shower, cranked up the a/c and little dog (who I snuck in in my backpack) and I fell asleep for the night. We slept about 12 hours straight, which was beautiful.

I arranged with the woman to pick up my cat the day my motel booking was up and pawned some old jewelry I had for gas money. I posted on Craigslist looking again for a room to rent (that isn't more than a one bedroom apartment here.. people are nuts) and went down to pick up my fur child.

I picked him up and although dirty with a few puncture wounds, he was okay!
We came back up to Tennessee and parked at Walmart, in a nice shady area.
I let him out of his carrier and set up his litter box and water/food dish and prepared to go to sleep.

We all slept pretty well (except for the random headlights going by, always makes me worry about police and wakes me up)  and had intended on spending the day down at the creek (my cat has a harness and a long lead, he can wander but not escape and get hurt, and my dog swims with me) and I noticed blood all over my shirt.
I called the humane society, they got my cat in to an emergency vet with a 50$ voucher, thankfully. He had an abscess that he had ruptured and they cleaned him up, gave him some antibiotics and sent us on our way.
I'm happy to report, by the way that he is doing GREAT and is currently trying to catch a mosquito.

I bummed some wifi at mcdonalds (its over 95 degrees out this weekend, I try to be somewhere cool at all times for ALL of us) and posted an ad on craigslist looking for a room to rent.

I got a few responses and started texting them about details. One man eventually offered that I could stay in his basement, rent free (which is air conditioned and mostly finished, just no bathroom) provided I give him a blow job 2-3 times a day.

I am absolutely disgusted by this, and in fact had ANOTHER man suggest the same thing!

I ended up staying with the first man, although I have NOT performed any sexual 'services' I have found that he regularly employs a prostitute, for oral sex only, which disgusts me even more now that I know he is a single dad to TWO kids under 12.

I'm currently in his basement, hiding from the 100 degree heat waiting for the holiday to be over.
I pee in a bucket and dump it outside and bathe in his garden hose at night, specifically so he does NOT know I'm awake.

He wont bother me if he thinks I am sleeping, so I would rather avoid him entirely and just book it in the morning when its not a holiday and people answer their phones.

I can easily see how women, especially in such a predicament, would be enticed or feel obligated into sexual services, which I honestly consider to be rape or assault.

I don't quite understand why men feel that this is an acceptable thing.
During the brief discussion I had with the man here, he said "well I just want to make sure I'm not being taken advantage of, ya know?"

Really? Because letting someone who was willing to pay rent (which now I am thankful, I am NOT doing) stay in your unfinished basement with no regular access to a toilet, or clean water, is being taken advantage of?

If I could find somewhere for my cat and dog to stay, that would ensure their safety until I found stability and could get them BACK, I would stay at a shelter, no question.


I refuse to abandon the two things on this earth that mean anything to me (outside my child) and who keep me sane and alive.
I refuse. Period.

Men disgust me.
Are there any men left on this earth that aren't total pigs?

Having a Vagina and Homelessness

Well, being a woman in this world is hard. You are born at a slight disadvantage, provided you are born in a country like the United States.  You are born to an extreme disadvantage in less progressive countries, or ones with strict value sets (which may or may not include women as lesser people) if you are lucky enough to be born at all.


Being a woman and homeless in the US has its ups and downs.  It varies greatly in different areas of the country, different states and even within neighboring cities.  In my experience women with children are always treated differently, usually put above and before anyone else, as they should be.


Of course as a woman with a child, sometimes you face scorn or judgement (actually this is common place) as if you are a horrible mother for being unable to provide for your child, or for bringing them into this world, in such a dark place, such as domestic violence. My experience with this is limited, so I can't really go into great detail about it.


However as a single childless woman (if your child is not physically with you, you are considered childless in most situations) its a grab bag as to what you will experience.  

Most commonly you will experience degrading comments, assumptions that you are a drug/alcohol abuser, that you are lazy and incompetent and looking for a hand out, a social failure, corrupted and damaged, or that you must be crazy... and thats just when you are looking for help and/or a place to stay.

 Some of the problems on the street (or in a shelter, or even in life) that I have personally faced include but are not limited to:  Domestic Violence
                            Rape/Sexual Assault
                            Violent Crimes
                            Theft
                            Harassment
                            Abuse (of all kinds)

 
I have had attempts on my life made more than once, even twice while pregnant (two separate pregnancies, two different men making the attempts) 

It doesn't really bother me and I suppose it should. I think I cope by numbing myself to it and just taking away a life experience.

Anyways, women face quite a bit of stigma.  Of course men do too, but not nearly to the degree women do, at least in my experience.  I am consistently looked at as less because I do not bring my child with me into this. (Might I add, sending my child away was the hardest thing I have *ever* had to do) I am looked at as a drain on society, a person who just wants everyone else to provide for her, an incapable slut because I have never been married.

Don't mind the fact that I have a Masters degree, I am useless and just want handouts, right?

I am looked at as an object, as just another person.  As I've explained previously, we all got here (homeless) in a different way. Everyone has different needs. Programs with individualized case management plans are far more successful than lump sum programs, that do little to address WHY a person became homeless to begin with.

Sometimes I hear you have to have a child to live here, to stay here, to obtain services. Well, I am doing the best thing I can for my child, by NOT bringing her into this, so thats just not an option. I will not corrupt someone elses life, especially that of my own child, to advance my own.


Then I hear I have to be a substance abuser. Great, so because I am clean and sober (and prefer it that way) that you can't help me. Okay, everyone needs a boost and help and addicts do too.  


But then I hear, well, we can't help you because you are a woman. Well why? 'because we don't serve women, there just aren't that many homeless women.'


This is true. I don't know statistics, but I'm sure its at least a 1:5 ratio, women to men.


Well then, what do you suggest I do? 'Find a friend'. Yes, because all us women are social creatures that help one another. *cough*


Although I have a number of friends that would probably help me, many live too far for me even to contact them regularly, much less live with them. Many have families of their own, or are in college and simply can't add another person, who realistically can't contribute much at the moment.


So, I'm left playing the waiting game.


Waiting for a solution, a hand. I'm sure I'm not the only homeless woman experiencing this and I'm sure others find far better solutions to this than I can.  
 
So my question is.. well, what are we supposed to do?
I am constantly solicited, especially on the streets, usually by disgusting men (You'd be surprised how many white collar men also solicit me) usually using the line of 'well it will help both of us out, if you know what I mean' usually followed with a sick laugh or smile.

I am not a hooker. I am not a prostitute. I will not lower myself, put myself in danger or bad situations for a meal, a quick buck, or the possible opportunity of somewhere to sleep for a night.


I'll take my chances on the street, thanks.  At least there I can RUN.

 

I Ceased to Live, Instead I Exist

Let me be clear about something, this blog is for my sanity of sorts. Its not a 'pro-homeless' blog, an activist blog, or a call for action. (Although all of those are welcome) Its an outlet for me to ramble and perhaps show others (if anyone might ever stumble across this) a bit about the life of an actual homeless woman.
Every homeless person has a different situation, life and back round and this is mine.

Some homeless are drug addicts, some are emotionally unwell. Some are ex cons, criminals and all around horrible people. Some are products of circumstance, others are living through the cycle of poverty just as their parents did. Others are disabled (like me) or victims of domestic violence, which might I add is not just for women. Some are single mothers, others are married couples, runaway teens fleeing abuse, or just someone down on their luck after a round of layoffs.


There are many, many reasons to be homeless. Everyone is different.

I grew up in a middle class home, adopted into that life by a well intentioned single mother. Although my upbringing was in my mind traumatic, by outsider accounts it was a glorious way to live.  I was placed in foster care for a variety of reasons, at the age of 12 but I like to think it was for the best, although 'services' even eight years ago were nothing compared to what they are now.  I was literally dumped on the streets at 18, having become pregnant in foster care.  No support no follow through.. not so much as a goodbye, good luck here is a bus pass.


But, again by all accounts I had a decent upbringing. Middle class, stable, traveled the country and even went to Disney World a few times. I was raised by an Masters level educator and optometrist (odd how they cross, no?) and was determined to have a rather high IQ at the age of 7. I was educationally supported and my mother tried to emotionally support me, so I am told. I personally believe to have been a child victim of something like Munchhausen by proxy, but I certainly can't prove that.



Point is, I didn't grow up this way. I didn't grow up in poverty, I didn't grow up with the occasional bout of hunger or uncertainty. My mother owned her home, had a nice vehicle and a great line of credit, with stable employment. Poverty and homelessness were something I was aware of, but never worried about personally experiencing.

I have read many articles over the years about homelessness, poverty, teen pregnancy and other assorted social plights and although I felt sad for those involved, was grateful that I never had experienced that and stupidly assumed that it wasn't a problem that would ever affect me.

Now I can spot a homeless person in a crowd of a million people, as I know the signs. I have lived in more shelters than I can name and I have called probably ten thousand more. I have been turned down, pushed away, beaten, broken, battered, raped, chastised, arrested and even been subject to hate crimes.
I have even had attempts on my life made, more than once.

These are all the things I was taught in school, all the things I read about, heard about and immune to.

Yet, I have lived through it all.  I am still here. But sometimes I wonder when I stopped living and started existing.
 

How I Got Here 2

After my move from the womens shelter, I stayed in my car for about a week. I must have called every shelter in Nashville and surrounding cities for help and was shot down every single time.  Some said I had to be in the hospital and have a police report within the last 12 hours for domestic violence. Some said I had to have a job, or be seeking employment (I am disabled, the point of disability is that I can't work..) others said because I did not have a drug or alcohol problem I didn't qualify.  Some said because my child isn't with me I didn't qualify. (I would NEVER wish this existence on anyone much less a child, my child lives with her fathers parents in the area where I hail from and has no idea of any of my struggles) 

Yet others said because I am not an veteran, or because I am a woman, unmarried, and still others were just plain full.

 I became painfully aware, within about 2 hours that my life had reached a bottom. I began to cry, to the point where I was physically ill. All I wanted was a safe place to sleep, somewhere warm and where I could lay in a horizontal position without fear of being arrested or robbed, or even raped.

I out of sheer desperation called my mother. She had nothing to offer, but did book me a cheap motel, where I was able to shower and sleep for a night, without fear of arrest or violence.

Eventually I found someone renting out a room who did not mind my dog, and although it was more than I could afford, it was somewhere to stay until I figured out what would come next.  That lasted a month and was amazing. Those people will forever be in my hearts as gracious and amazing people.  They knew and know nothing of my situation.

Right before that situation was to end a friend here in Alabama offered me somewhere to stay, with minimal rent and expectations. I had no other options, so down I came.  Within 48 hours a  fake excuse was given as to why I needed to leave and within 48 hours of that, I was back on the streets, penniless, as I had given them my rent money up front.


Out of random chance, an old college friend texted me (why yes, 10$ prepaid phones do have texting) and asked me how I was. Upon some conversation i discovered him to now live Huntsville and we decided to meet up for lunch.  Although I ate nothing (actually i ate all the free bread they could put in front of me) he didn't notice and we discussed how our lives had changed. 


After a day in the park, learning about the area, I broke down and told him of my plight. Although living with his parents due to his persistent unemployment (who ever would have thought that TWO Masters graduates would both be jobless?!) he could offer me a place to stay for a few days, with wifi and electricity (and a bed and bath) to research my options.


This is where I sit, today. I have not a penny to my name, my gas tank is so empty my vehicle won't even start, but it is somewhere to be, for now. I generally stay during the day when it is hot (currently it is 86 degrees and rising, at 10:40am CST) and leave at night, so as not to cause problems.


His family has been nothing but gracious, even taking me to dinner on one occasion (and prodding me not to pick the cheapest thing on the menu, or save half for the next meal) and doing my laundry, however this is not a place I can stay, long term.  This is due to many problems, most notably the serious infatuation my friend has developed with me. As a woman and homeless (as well as a repeated domestic violence survivor) I am used to being hit on, or criticized, or even solicited, which I always shoot down without a second thought.  However, this man is interested in a serious relationship and is constantly trying to..get me to be interested in him, even though he is semi aware I do not and cannot view him that way.

I am simply just not attracted to him and well, I usually identify as a lesbian, as I prefer women aesthetically to men.

My bisexuality causes many problems within the homeless community and outreach organizations, which I will touch on later.

But, this is how I got here. This is how I live. This is my life. The life of The Homeless Girl.




 

How I Got Here

I don't really have a format for this yet, I suppose its more of an insight into the world, my world, of homeless and the struggles and challenges I face on a daily basis.
For anyone who might stumble across this and wonder just how a homeless person is writing a blog on the Internet (shouldn't I have more important priorities.. like selling my stuff to have somewhere to live, perhaps?) well let me tell you.

Homeless is not just living on the streets. It can be living in your car, at a day shelter, a 'working shelter', domestic violence shelter, or just surfing on a friends couch, not knowing if you will be there the next day.


I happen to fall into most of the aforementioned categories,but usually either living in my car, or at a domestic violence shelter.  Currently I'm couch surfing (until tomorrow) at a friends house, who just so happens to have WiFi.


I have a net book that was given to me, which is about 8 years old and so slow it takes me 15 minutes to load Google, but it does its job. Unfortunately its so old and slow I couldn't pay someone to take it and thus, if I can find WiFi, I can write. (Fast food establishments usually leave their WiFi on even after they close at night)


I am lucky, I have  a car. Its old and small (and could use a really good cleaning) and when it dies, well I probably won't be getting another one unless my circumstances change for the better.


I came from the north to take a shot at my luck in the Nashville area and no, not as a musician. Although I have great respect for musicians and artists of all kinds, I certainly do not have the talent or the patience to be one.


I took a leap of faith and trusted family members (perhaps my first mistake) to help pull me out of a very dark time in my life-- recovering after a very serious domestic violence incident.

The domestic violence incident happened to be with an ex relationship of mine, of the serious variety, who nearly killed me, a friend and himself in what I can only assume was in an attempt to try to make a very muddled point. Due to very serious gaps in our laws and even more serious gaps in enforcement of the few good laws we do have (along with a barrel of rotten apple law professionals) I was forced into a domestic violence shelter for my own safety and eventually out of my jobs, continuing education and eventually my state.


I don't want to make myself identifiable just yet so my details are intentionally vague.

My move to the south didn't go so well.  Lets just say, everything went well for about, a month. First problem? I'm fat. Obese, in fact. Not only am I obese, but I have had weight loss surgery (of the reversible kind) which due to my circumstances, has had absolutely no effect. I remain at the weight I was nearly two years ago when I paid for the operation. (I will talk about obesity, poverty and homelessness in another post)


My so called family (DNA donor?) didn't like that. The fact that I can't eat more than a cup of food at a meal was just not right to them. Or that I would rather bypass the fried chicken dinners for say, a salad was just unacceptable. I was constantly critiqued and criticized and eventually had enough.


I also had to deal with major inequality, as a sibling of mine was literally spoiled rotten, while I was literally abused.  I had everything I owned literally stolen from me and was then kicked out on the streets for trying to do something about it. Not only was everything stolen from me, but said crazy ex was given every detail of my life, down to my hair color and my sleeping habits.

What little I had left, I packed into my car along with my dog (a ten pound chi mix) and  checked into yet another domestic violence shelter.  After seven days, I had to leave there due to my schizophrenic roommate, who was clearly unstable (and untreated) and would stand over me in my sleep singing lyrics to death metal songs about, well..death.




..To be continued